It took a lot of courage for you to open up and reveal this here on the forum. And it is a really empowered first step to getting to the bottom of what you are creating, and certainly, the perfect first step to transforming it. There is a lot packed into what you have shared, so let’s dive in and tease things apart to be more understandable and manageable.
The first thing to always understand is that we can each only create from exactly where we are at. This means that your complete power lies exactly where you are right now, exactly as things are, to be able to own what you’re creating, and to realign yourself to who you prefer to be and to what you prefer to experience. As obvious as that may sound, it is a really important first step to ground yourself into the moment, into the present circumstances to operate from a complete position of situational awareness and recreate yourself from exactly where you’re at.
You have written about the things that you do not prefer. This is also really important. What has not been shared is what you do prefer. What is your most exciting thing, at least right now in your life? When you heal yourself and re-establish your physical equilibrium, what do you then want to do as your healthy self? It may seem like a strange question, but there is a strong purpose in asking it, establishing what you want is really important in this process because this is what allows you to establish one of the main building blocks for transformation, your clear intention. So, again we ask when you are fully healed, what do you imagine you will do that you are not doing now?
You mention that you have thought about how this serves you exactly the way that it is, and you concluded that it has something to do with illuminating to yourself that you are uncomfortable around people, and you are worrying too much about the future and the past. Of course, knowing this is indeed useful, and while it is all well and good to have this awareness, and in that sense, it is of service, but more substantially when you ask how it serves you, what is meant is things like “what does it allow you to do that you wouldn’t have done otherwise?,” or even, “what is this preventing from doing that you really want to do?” These answers will be helpful in moving forward. This type of self-reflection moves beyond simply pointing out things that you consider to be shortcomings and instead goes to how it is affecting your moment-to moment experience. This points you in the direction to reveal to yourself what it is you want to do, again, leading you to establish your clear intentions in life.
Remember, clear intentions are often things that you cannot do now, but you fully intend to do, no matter what, even though you cannot immediately see the “how” part yet.
When we are not doing what excites us, and instead doing many things that do not excite us, it is pretty easy for a person to feel “sick of their life.” But this is not the place to land, only a realization of the place to start, to work with, in order to re-align to your preferred self and your preferred outcomes. Again, the process of re-aligning a non-exciting life to a new and exciting one starts with the clear establishment, from exactly where you are at right now, of what excites you, whether or not you can see a clear path to get to it. Excitement is the compass.
You are not alone when you reveal that you feel that you have struggled with unconditionally loving yourself and trusting yourself and being who you want to be. Many people have these same concerns. But they do not necessarily know what you have been discovering, and they have not yet begun to attract these resources that you are attracting. Elan reminds about the nature of unconditional love. That All-That-Is must believe that we deserve to exist, or we simply would not be here. Knowing this is very, very powerful. Knowing this now invites you to match that unconditional love. If All-That-Is is not placing any conditions to loving you, no matter what, you now know that this is possible, and that you can match that energy. Many people remain unaware of this and knowing this is to your distinct advantage.
And you have also learned that doubt is not a lack of trust, but instead, it is an infinite trust in the outcome that you do not prefer. You ALWAYS are trusting in something, so you have no lack of trust. It is simply a matter of seeing where you are putting your existing trust, and then, upon acknowledging that, shifting it over to what you prefer to trust, we are all experts at the actual act of trusting.
And so, we are back to that good old excitement. What excites you Ezinu? WHat excite you THE most, and what other things excite you? Answer this and let’s see where that leads.
One last thing. For now, you are exploring 3rd density. Using the path of least resistance is really useful, and frankly often one of the easiest options. So, here in 3D, the question arises, have you been to a doctor about this? If it’s something as simple as a particular stomach bacterium, like say Helicobacter pylori, a simple antibiotic can transform it quickly and completely. Have you had this checked? Sometimes just taking the 3D option can not only lead to the complete solution, but the also lead you to other discoveries and treasures that you did not expect, from just taking the action.