This is going to be a long one, as it’s kind of a complicated story. About two years ago, I was hooking up with a girl I wasn’t very interested in. I was in a place in my life where I hadn’t learned to set boundaries, so this girl pretty much pushed herself on me and told me she was taking birth control. She was, but not properly at all, which resulted in me getting her pregnant. I wasn’t ready for a child, so I suggested that we should have an abortion since it was still early when we found out. However, she decided she wanted to keep it. I was left with the choice of either leaving her or trying to be a good person and make things work, so I decided to date her in the hope of creating a happy relationship.
Unfortunately, I felt unfulfilled, and after following my excitement for about a month, she suggested we take a break. I jumped at the chance and used it as an opportunity to break up. During this time, there was a decision to be made about custody of the child, and my mom convinced me to agree to a 50/50 arrangement, which I did hesitantly.
The day after we broke up, I met a beautiful girl from France. It felt like the stars had aligned perfectly, and we started dating. We are still in a long-distance relationship, which both of us are enjoying as we plan our future together. However, my child now comes over a few times a week. I really love her, but I feel that my energy is much more focused on the adventures of my twenties, going to France, and pursuing business opportunities. I know my child could bring excitement to my life if I really tried, but it feels like she is attached to my ex, which I don’t like thinking about. It all feels forced upon me, and I just want to be a 21-year-old and enjoy my life without this responsibility.
My ex is a great mother, and my child is very happy at home with her. However, my mom insists that I take her for my allotted time and go to court to establish my rights as a father. I really don’t feel like doing that. My heart is in France, but I worry that I would be a bad, heartless person if I just left my child behind. The truth is, she seems to be doing fine without me. I’ve been thinking about this for almost a year now and still haven’t figured it out. Any opinions would be appreciated. Thank you.
Joseph,
Thank you for reflecting this to us. For myself it led to my own reflections and definition identification, which is the opportunity of the service you provided--thank you. It also inspires me to share more openly and with more reflection on my integrity.
Reading the comments also helped me recognize more of the same. This is such a precious jewel of a community. Thank you all.