Hi Elan and everyone who is reading this, I have a question about my stomach. I want to shortly explain what I've been dealing with and how it affected me. I’ll explain it in a way so it makes sense in a linear timeline. I know that the past and future don't exist but I just want to share my experience so far.
It all started when I went to a school where I didn't really want to go. It was kind of depressing and I've never really eaten or even drink anything while I was there. I think it was because I felt uncomfortable. I don't know why. Maybe because I knew I didn't belong there? It wasn't my excitement? Well, since then I started to experience nausea in the morning when I had to go to school. In the train I was sometimes really tensed up that I couldn't relax my muscles, felt lightheaded and my heart racing. It just ended up that I quit that school and instead went somewhere else but the stomach related problems like nausea persisted. And in situations like going somewhere outside I still sometimes felt the tenseness in the muscles, the dizziness, nausea and heart racing.
Now I just feel like it became worse in a sense that I can't even eat normally because my stomach creates a lot of acid and burning sensations. I feel kind of trapped since I can't do the normal day to day things that most other people do. It is because of the nausea and burning that I feel like I can’t go anywhere or do normal stuff. It’s like I have a distorted way of thinking about food and hunger. When I’m hungry I often feel sick as well. When I think about what I should eat for the day I feel the dread in my stomach. And when I eat, I feel lightheaded and sick.
I have thought about how this serves me exactly the way it is and I always came to the conclusion that it has something to do with that I feel uncomfortable around people and that I'm worrying too much about the future and past. I don't know how accurate that is but I feel kind of overwhelmed and confused. I literally feel sick of my life. Is that the meaning of the symbol? Being sick of how my life is and who I am as a person?
Maybe to give another example of how I feel during those situations: I one time went with a friend to a restaurant but once I started eating my meal I couldn’t finish it. I started feeling sick and that nausea caused me to feel lightheaded, sweaty, heart racing and my hands always tense up so much that they curl together and I can’t really keep them open. Usually what I do in those situations is to keep focus on a specific thought.. kind of like daydreaming? I just try to not focus on my body. And I also keep breathing slowly and controlled which kind of helps but not completely. It happens often that, before I go out somewhere, the feeling in my stomach gets worse. Same as when I’m stressed out about something. To me it seems like anxiety but I’ve heard you said one time that anxiety is excitement but negatively interpreted? So, I’m not sure. I know that I struggle with unconditionally loving myself and trusting myself and being who I want to be. It just reminds me of the dream I had with you. When I walked towards you it felt so relieving and that there is a lot of trust, love and comfort. It’s weird but it showed me that I can somehow achieve that too.
It’s obvious to me what the negative sides of it are. I’ve also thought about the positives which would be that I’m much more conscious of what I eat. And.. I don’t why but since I’m eating less of the „bad“ stuff, my skin seems to have gotten better. I’ve had often itchy skin especially during summer, sport or after showering and it went down a lot. I just struggle a lot with eating enough so that my BMR is covered. Even drinking enough feels sometimes difficult. It’s not every day like that though. Currently I wanted to get more into weightlifting and bulking to gain muscles but it seems like this is not an option now even though I was excited about it.
I often times feel like I just want to stay home, do stuff that distracts me from it instead of facing it.. but I know this is not the solution and ignoring it will make it worse. But when I do face it, it becomes overwhelming. Even just typing this, knowing I’ll post this makes my stomach burn.. feels weird to share so much. One thing that I did notice though is when I’m in a very positive/happy mindset, it felt much easier to eat and.. to exist. I just want to know what this nausea and burning sensations mean and how I can transform it into something positive.
For a long time now I felt the excitement to be able to ask a question. So here I am. Even if this question won’t make it into the book.. maybe writing this question out loud in this forum will help me. In either case, I’d appreciate some clarification. Thank you. <3
It took a lot of courage for you to open up and reveal this here on the forum. And it is a really empowered first step to getting to the bottom of what you are creating, and certainly, the perfect first step to transforming it. There is a lot packed into what you have shared, so let’s dive in and tease things apart to be more understandable and manageable.
The first thing to always understand is that we can each only create from exactly where we are at. This means that your complete power lies exactly where you are right now, exactly as things are, to be able to own what you’re creating, and to realign yourself to who you prefer to be and to what you prefer to experience. As obvious as that may sound, it is a really important first step to ground yourself into the moment, into the present circumstances to operate from a complete position of situational awareness and recreate yourself from exactly where you’re at.
You have written about the things that you do not prefer. This is also really important. What has not been shared is what you do prefer. What is your most exciting thing, at least right now in your life? When you heal yourself and re-establish your physical equilibrium, what do you then want to do as your healthy self? It may seem like a strange question, but there is a strong purpose in asking it, establishing what you want is really important in this process because this is what allows you to establish one of the main building blocks for transformation, your clear intention. So, again we ask when you are fully healed, what do you imagine you will do that you are not doing now?
You mention that you have thought about how this serves you exactly the way that it is, and you concluded that it has something to do with illuminating to yourself that you are uncomfortable around people, and you are worrying too much about the future and the past. Of course, knowing this is indeed useful, and while it is all well and good to have this awareness, and in that sense, it is of service, but more substantially when you ask how it serves you, what is meant is things like “what does it allow you to do that you wouldn’t have done otherwise?,” or even, “what is this preventing from doing that you really want to do?” These answers will be helpful in moving forward. This type of self-reflection moves beyond simply pointing out things that you consider to be shortcomings and instead goes to how it is affecting your moment-to moment experience. This points you in the direction to reveal to yourself what it is you want to do, again, leading you to establish your clear intentions in life.
Remember, clear intentions are often things that you cannot do now, but you fully intend to do, no matter what, even though you cannot immediately see the “how” part yet.
When we are not doing what excites us, and instead doing many things that do not excite us, it is pretty easy for a person to feel “sick of their life.” But this is not the place to land, only a realization of the place to start, to work with, in order to re-align to your preferred self and your preferred outcomes. Again, the process of re-aligning a non-exciting life to a new and exciting one starts with the clear establishment, from exactly where you are at right now, of what excites you, whether or not you can see a clear path to get to it. Excitement is the compass.
You are not alone when you reveal that you feel that you have struggled with unconditionally loving yourself and trusting yourself and being who you want to be. Many people have these same concerns. But they do not necessarily know what you have been discovering, and they have not yet begun to attract these resources that you are attracting. Elan reminds about the nature of unconditional love. That All-That-Is must believe that we deserve to exist, or we simply would not be here. Knowing this is very, very powerful. Knowing this now invites you to match that unconditional love. If All-That-Is is not placing any conditions to loving you, no matter what, you now know that this is possible, and that you can match that energy. Many people remain unaware of this and knowing this is to your distinct advantage.
And you have also learned that doubt is not a lack of trust, but instead, it is an infinite trust in the outcome that you do not prefer. You ALWAYS are trusting in something, so you have no lack of trust. It is simply a matter of seeing where you are putting your existing trust, and then, upon acknowledging that, shifting it over to what you prefer to trust, we are all experts at the actual act of trusting.
And so, we are back to that good old excitement. What excites you Ezinu? WHat excite you THE most, and what other things excite you? Answer this and let’s see where that leads.
One last thing. For now, you are exploring 3rd density. Using the path of least resistance is really useful, and frankly often one of the easiest options. So, here in 3D, the question arises, have you been to a doctor about this? If it’s something as simple as a particular stomach bacterium, like say Helicobacter pylori, a simple antibiotic can transform it quickly and completely. Have you had this checked? Sometimes just taking the 3D option can not only lead to the complete solution, but the also lead you to other discoveries and treasures that you did not expect, from just taking the action.