This is such valuable advice from Elan... particularly with today's political climate and so many opposing beliefs among friends, family, co-workers, etc.
"SAY THE FIRST THING THAT COMES INTO YOUR MIND" PERHAPS YOU MAY WISH TO PUT THAT ON HOLD
Alright I'll say, before we continue sharing allow me to say the following. You have an expression in your vernacular, "Say the first thing that comes into your mind.” Perhaps, when beginning to realign your approach in your reality toward positive expression of yourself and positive experience of your life, perhaps you just may wish to “put that on hold.”
Do understand the following in terms of what you refer to as “relationships", interpersonal relationships, until your life is fully a living expression of your positive intention ... and positive expression, "saying the first thing that comes into your mind" may ... just ... be ... slightly ... counter-productive.
This is not to discourage the idea of "spontaneity.” This is not to discourage the idea of spontaneous expression. Once, indeed, your approach is in alignment with your desires, preferences, and self-knowledge, then that very same trait, that very same approach of expressing spontaneously, will have quite a positive response and allow people to see in no uncertain terms, that you know who you are and you mean what you say and you are again ... a spontaneous emission in progress, by all means.
But while you are re-aligning, saying the first thing that comes to your mind will often be a reactive response, according to a slightly less constructive belief than your most empowered belief in any given situation. At first this, is often a vestige of expressing a reaction that is originating from the lens of an old outdated version and self-decision of yourself. So, gauging your response in interpersonal relationships to simply have it expressed in the simplest terms possible, maybe inserting a pause before you respond, should you find that your tendency in any given situation is to respond in a negative way.
For needless to say, and even your own observations will support what I am saying, that when you have a spontaneously negative emission in an interpersonal interaction, you invariably create a negative response from the other individual. And often you will even say, “I did not mean to say that", but your actions, your response (which in this case is your words) did "speak louder." You did say that, and in that moment at least, that is who you were.
That negative response creates an effect, and in what you call a "relationship situation" it tends to be somewhat immediate and complete. For your relationships, including your close interpersonal relationships, will very closely mirror your response, very spontaneously and immediately. So, to simply realign before you speak, particularly if your perception and your interpretation of what is being said to you is negative, is what allows you to stop, as you say ... “hitting the negative ball back into the other court.”
I understand that maybe this sounds "too simple to be true.” Maybe it sounds as though you are squelching in the given moment who you are. But this is only the effect if who you are is ever fluctuating between conscious and automatic ... between constructive and destructive. And when you put out something that is destructive, that is negative, that is negatively reactive, you will see it mirrored back to you in your reality.
From page 183 of Your Power on a Plate
You are past the page where the original book suddenly cut off, which was on page 109. That little pale line on page 109 is where the online book ended.